How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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