you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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