Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize