dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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