I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
