I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
