Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
