You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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