So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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