Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
