Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
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I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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