We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
