Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
