3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
