my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
