My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
