I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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