theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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