She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
