omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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