LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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