I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
