how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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