So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
