I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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