i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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