Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
