she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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