so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
