You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
