What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
