you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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