Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
