Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
