Screwed.edu
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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