No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
