Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
