I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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