Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
