she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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