I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
