Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
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if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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