Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if only i could text you this smell
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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