You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Drunk is a universal language darling
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