she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
