those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
