____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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