Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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