I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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