note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
