I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
