I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
