I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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