I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
