Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
