my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
