Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
