i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can I color on your dick again?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize