Pappa wants mamma naked
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
