She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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