what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Your cock deserves a montage
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
