Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
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Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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