Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
