stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
