Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
