She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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