the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
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SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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