you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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