Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
